It’s been quite the few weeks here .. the increase in Covid Alert Level causing a lockdown, a magnitude 8 earthquake, a tsunami warning .. I could have taken these things as a sign to cancel the yoga retreat I am hosting next weekend and a part of me would have breathed a sigh of relief.
Deciding to host a yoga retreat put me in a vulnerable place. Despite the fact that this venture has evolved from very positive support within my community, I was still a little overwhelmed with fear that it would not be successful .. maybe people wouldn’t want to come and the whole thing would be a failure. Maybe I was just a bit too big for my boots. But it is by diving into my feelings of uncertainty that I have found what I need to successfully hold space and deliver this upcoming retreat. I understand how it feels to be afraid to shine, to be afraid to fail, to want to crawl into a little hole and hideaway instead of putting yourself out there in the world so that people can see, and potentially judge you. I understand why we are afraid to show weakness.
I read today that vulnerability is a gift, both to others and to yourself. When we are brave enough to allow our vulnerability to be seen we comfort others who are feeling the same way but are too afraid to show it. This is a mantra I hold on to with both hands. The Marianne Williamson poem, “Our Deepest Fear” has been my go-to inspirational ‘kick up the butt’ reading material for a number of years now!
Like most people, I want to guard my privacy when challenging moments arise, but I have learned that allowing myself to be vulnerable is actually essential for my happiness. In order to embrace the best version of ourselves we must first embrace what it means to be vulnerable.
We need to understand – Vulnerability is not weakness. Yes, vulnerability is the root of fear and anxiety .. but it is also at the heart of connection and joy.
Often we feel compelled to overcome potential disappointment, by not even attempting to welcome joy into our lives, in case we lose it and it hurts us. Instead, disappointment is now a lifestyle choice .. it is easier to live ‘disappointed’ instead of risking joy and potentially feeling disappointment’. Embracing that feeling of not wanting to risk failure so choosing to stay safe and not spread your wings, consciously choosing to stay small.
We avoid being excited about anything because we’re not sure it’s actually going to happen – more risk of disappointment, and the resulting disconnection we feel is a symptom of vulnerability avoidance. It may not cause a full blown depression but it is certainly successful in keeping us dissatisfied and miserable.
We live in a culture that tells us there is never enough, we are not good enough, safe enough, perfect enough, certain enough. The messages and images that promote these feelings of ‘not enough’ are around us every day, and we continue to keep ourselves small, because we are not special enough.
We are the most damaged society there has ever been in history, and we are numbing ourselves because of it. We numb ourselves with food, alcohol, drugs, and accumulation. We also numb by remaining resolute in our opinions, inflexible to the thoughts and feelings of others, taking comfort in how ‘correct’ we are while others are just plain wrong.
Perfection is another tool we use to protect ourselves. If we have on our perfect armour we surely can’t be hurt. We are extremely busy, because if we can stay super, extremely busy … we won’t have time to notice the feelings of dissatisfaction we are trying to ignore.
The problem with numbing is that we can’t select which emotions to weed out .. it will numb them all. In order to feel joy or pain, both require vulnerability. We must be open to feeling all feelings if we want to enjoy the so-called ‘good’ ones.
So, how do we deal with this disconnection. How do we embrace vulnerability? We practice:
- Allow yourself to care .. don’t allow fear to deny you the opportunity to find joy. Be brave.
- Embrace and honour the ordinary parts of life and find joy in them. We miss what is important when we are on a quest to only be seen as special and when we are busy being afraid.
- Stop and be thankful in order to compete with those feelings and messages of ‘not enough’ that we are exposed to.
Although bad things can happen when we are vulnerable, if we don’t allow ourselves to find the joy and love in everyday things on a regular basis, we risk having lower levels of resilience to draw on when life’s hard times come around. We need to take time to fill up our cup, and that (my friends) is the theme of next weekend’s retreat .. Reset and Renew. So, come along and join us, fill up your reservoir of reserves and enjoy the beautiful natural paradise that is Whiritoa, Coromandel, Aotearoa.
*Due to Covid Alert Levels the booking deadline has been extended to Wednesday 10th March. Click here for more info and to make a booking
